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Entry: A Startling Admission

Lost Vowels has a A Startling Admission:

Ok folks. Fasten those metaphorical seatbelts and batten down those imaginary hatches. Secure your socks tightly and prepare to set your face to ‘stunned’. You may want prepare yourself a drink you can knock over in startled fashion, just for the look of the thing. For I am about to make a startling admission so astounding that those who read it will be forced to question everything they took for granted in the world; a startling admission so shocking that it may cause those of a nervous disposition to wither and die, and cause those normally normally disposed (clever wording, I know) to shriek wildly and uncontrollably, arms flailing, until calmed by a friend’s loving but firm blow to the back of the head with a blunt instrument. It’s the kind of startling admission that will, quite literally, follow this sentence.